"C" is for Concerts

“Hearts Like Ours” - The Naked and Famous

Imagine Dragons concert, opening act- age 16

My first real concert, my first rush from the stage. My boyfriend Stephen’s arms were around me, protective and comforting. The performers dripped of cool, persuading the crowd to nod their heads to the beat. The lead singer with her punky blue haircut sang and smirked, like she knew something we didn’t. The sensual guitarist bowed his head and strummed. I soaked up the stage, every flash and rhythm. I felt like they were performing just for me, and my ears drank up the song.

“Waves” -Kanye West

The Meadows music festival- age 18

Believe it or not, the odds of me seeing Kanye West in concert the same night as Kim Kardashian got robbed at gunpoint is pretty high.

“Tennis Court”- Lorde

“Sparks” -Beach House

Randall’s Island, Governor’s Ball Music Festival, June 2017- age 19

It was time for Lorde. The Oh Holy Majesty: Scorpio Queen. “Don’t you think that it’s boring how people talk..” she echoed. Her sunken doe eyes scanned the crowd. “Thank you guys so much for coming out today!” she said. LORDE? Was thanking ME?? I could not control my facial expressions when she began to perform. She was dressed in a delicate black lace gown. I couldn’t believe that there she was, bringing the songs I had sung along to for years, to life. She was as angelic, as powerful as I had hoped she’d be. Lorde tumbled throughout the performance, dazzling the crowd with a one-of-a-kind show.

Cass, Mara and Cody wanted to stay for the rest of Lorde’s performance but Isabel, Gabby and I pushed through the crowd of disgruntled faces to catch the end of Beach House. We approached the stage; the crowd was much smaller than Lorde’s. There were only three people on the stage: a woman and two men. The woman had dark hair with bangs, and wore a long black dress like a witch. The men hid behind their instruments. We were close, but I still looked at the huge screens next to the stage to see their faces. Gabby dug out a joint for us to share, and I took a hit and began to sway. The music started to build. I couldn’t tell if they were getting louder and louder or if they were adding more layers of sound, getting more intense as they play. I started to feel high from the joint, and glanced over at my friends. They were swaying as I was, enjoying the intimate performance. I looked to my right, there was a large man in a snapback swaying, too. I found it funny that I never would be next to his man, never be dancing next to him, if we both didn’t want to see Beach House perform. I wouldn’t have guessed he liked their music, he seemed macho and tough, and Beach House’s music is soft and thoughtful. I felt connected to this stranger as we both swayed in the crowd.

“One Million Lovers” -The Growlers

Concert at Terminal 5- age 19

I was fascinated by the lead singer. He had a leather trench on, (can you imagine?) with the band’s latest album titles, “City Club” written in curled script on the back of the coat. He stepped awkwardly to the beat, but seemed so sure of himself, so sure of the band’s unique, beachy sound that I couldn’t look away. He nodded at the bassist, encouraging him to take center stage for a solo. The bassist shook his head. There was a mosh pit forming at the heart of the crowd, and rude concert goers who appeared to have just been here by chance, not desire, egged on the violence and shouting. Gabby, Mara and I huddled together, trying to not let the pushing and shoving interrupt our good time. We passed around my flask that is disguised to look like a hair brush. “Yo, that’s so cool,” someone commented. “Bottoms up!” I joked, finishing the last swig of raspberry vodka from the funny flask. The Growlers’ familiar indie chords and the vodka that burned our throats eased our anxieties. Their hit song started to play. “You know you’re living, when it all becomes a blur,” the cool-cat lead singer belted. A disco ball descended from the ceiling. The sparkling lights ran across the room. I closed my eyes. Remember this, I thought.

“Way It Goes” -Hippo Campus

Concert at Irving Plaza- age 19

Gabby and I traveled from New Paltz by bus. No parents, no adult supervision. Just us, with New York City at our fingertips. We met up with Gabby’s friend Julie, who went to school at F.I.T. We had water bottles full of whiskey that we drank at Barnes and Noble while we killed time before the doors opened at 7. We stood in line in the rain, comparing astrological signs and chatting with the other fangirls impatiently anticipating the boy band from Minnesota. Did you know a Long Island Iced Tea at Irving Plaza is $18? Julie got too drunk, she drank all her vodka while we waited on line. She stumbled forward to the music and lit a cigarette in the crowd. The people around us were young, and we bumped into them while dancing to the happy indie music that soared from the stage. A security guard approached us. “If you’re going to keep pushing, we’re going to ask you to leave,” she said. We looked at each other, bewildered. Fucking pussies.

“I Feel Love” -Donna Summer, Kali Uchis cover

Concert at Terminal 5- age 20

My sister Kathryn, her friend Dana and I were up on the balcony at Terminal 5. I wanted to be down in the crowd, but we didn’t get there early enough, and Dana and Kathryn seemed to prefer the safe observation of the balcony instead of the intensity of the crowd. Kali Uchis was performing, ethereal and sparkly. She strutted on stage, swinging her ponytail and rolling her hips. I loved her album, “Isolation,” but she began singing a song I didn’t recognize. It was a cover! “I feel love I feel love I feel love,” she sang. A strobe light started to off. Blue flashes distorted my vision, but I could see my sister through the blur. We held hands and danced, closing our eyes and letting go to the sound. “I feel love, I feel love, I feel love.”